LGBT Perceptions: Black & White?

Following this week's leak of graphic sexual pictures of Dustin Lance Black (Milk screenwriter, film-maker and gay rights activist and educator), I thought it a good opportunity to discuss (only skimming the surface of) the perception of gays in society.

For those of you who don't know, Black has become the perfect poster child for the younger gay activist movement. A handsome mid-thirties, well spoken man, he works to educate, protest and get the conversation going. Perez Hilton (pariah) broke some pics of Black engaged in bareback sex. The other party in the pictures has since been identified as Black's boyfriend at the time, but they have set off a firestorm within the gay community. On the one hand, you have those who come to his defense and indicate that these photos are a private matter (agreed), and that what Black decides to do in the privacy of his home (or wherever else the pictures were taken) is his business only.

There's a solid rationale in all of that. However, when you make yourself an outspoken advocate for gay rights, for SAFE-SEX, and otherwise put yourself out there for a cause, you then have a certain responsibility to the community you seek to educate and advance. The person in the photos may have been Black's boyfriend at the time, but it hardly seems relevant who the person was. And though, he may not have been engaging in unsafe sex, per se, the perception that has since come into play is somewhat of an incongruous picture. I appreciate that Black has since issued a statement trying to control the damage. While he sees the injustice of what has happened to him, he still takes responsibility for his position becoming compromised. I think.

There are many aspects of "gay culture" that offend not only society in general, but many members of the LGBT community. There are always fringe groups, fetish cultures, and cliques. It has always felt to me like there has been a struggle to determine whether or not we embrace all these things under one umbrella, or cut and run. The "one umbrella" solution seems to be what we, probably rightfully, strive for. As members of the gay community, we have a shared experience of discrimination, shame, hurt feelings and general disregard. The more we can come together to battle these demons, the stronger chance we have of actually fighting with strength, conviction and compassion and coming out with genuine victories for the community.

But how do we get all these drastically different people to work together? You have twinks that are afraid of bears. You have lesbians who may not feel that they're taken seriously enough within the community. You have pretty jock boys who think that being muscle-y and masculine are all there is and disregard everybody else. We can't expect to be taken seriously by straight society if we can't even take each other seriously and treat one another with respect.

To me it all boils down to "live and let live" with a side-dish of "be responsible to and for yourself and your actions." We have to present ourselves as both mainstream and who we really are - simultaneously. While many would argue that gay IS mainstream, I'd come back with, "Being reduced to stereotype and cliche is not mainstream." To be taken seriously by the rest of society, we have to take one another seriously. Play down the differences, stop stereotyping one another and show the world that we can be a united body that's responsible to and for one another and comes together when it really counts.

LGBT ADHD

There has been a flurry of discussion in the last few weeks about the decision of the California Supreme Court regarding Proposition 8. And there are a lot of people out there that are still angry about the decision. In my little series here on community building within the LGBT community, I want to make sure that we're all talking straight with each other, so to speak.  We have to be sure each of us is properly informed in order to focus our communal voice.

I went to the rally outside the San Francisco City Hall the evening after the Prop 8 decision had been made. It felt good to get out and support something I felt so strongly about. To be part of the broader LGBT community for once in my life and actually feel as if there was a common bond that transcended any differences. But once I left the march and really thought about what occurred there, I don't think the message was totally tuned into what we need to be saying. And while it got people out and thinking about what was going on, which is HUGELY important - don't get me wrong - the message wasn't as clear as it probably could have been and didn't adequately describe what had happened. 

One of the speakers said that we had to act like our hair was on fire. I applaud his call to action, but you know these queens - they will take that and literally run around as if their hair IS on fire. Getting in people's faces, behaving like lunatics.

Focus is the name of the game, folks. And focus comes from not just reading headlines, but reading the backstory. Reading the corroborating materials - how many of you have actually read any of the actual text of the CA Supreme Court decision? Our society has become so lethargic that we don't even ensure that the information we have is of any substance. We take what we're told by the dreamy Anderson Cooper and believe that there's the story. That's all there is.

The most recent decision in California was not whether this type of discrimination was legal, or even desirable. It was a technical legal matter. It was about constitutional process. I'll pause to give some of my readers a break. I know I'm not necessarily speaking to those who get a kick out of my rantings and ravings. I am speaking to those who will probably never read my blog at all. To those who comment on Facebook links from HRC and Marriage Equality with comments that have nothing to do with the story or link that's posted. Instead they comment willy-nilly, as if their hair is on fire. The link will be about the most recent goings on in New York with a Senate shake-up and what that means for marriage equality legislation, and the comments will read something like, "If Iowa can do it, why can't California?" or "Why can't we all realize that everyone deserves rights?"  While I understand their passion and the importance of the statements they're making, why the non-sequitur? Do we not know enough about what's going on to discuss each point separately? Becoming specific to each argument is what's going to bring equality. Presumably, those of us who are fans of those pages feel similarly, so why not move past the generic rhetoric and speak substantively on the matter at hand?

Now, I realize that I'm being a bit bitchy. That I shouldn't be squashing someone's passion and conviction. Re-reading what I've written above makes me feel as if I've been unfair. Like I said though, I appreciate the passion, but think that part of moving forward as a community is making sure we all not only have our eyes on the prize, but have the intellectual tools necessary to actually get there. We need to understand each step and its impact on the movement in a real and concrete sense. This will give us the power, as a unified and empowered community, to change hearts and minds and ultimately reach our goal of full equality.

I'm proud, I think. How 'bout you?

June has arrived. Scantily clad men and women folk are claiming their swaths of beach (though, I'm not among them being in San Francisco where it's cloudy and a lovely 50 degrees today...). Summer festivals. Farmers' Markets. Pride festivals will soon be in full bloom.   

As pride descends upon us, perhaps it's necessary to blogify on some gay matters all month. Oh, wait. I kind of do that already. Perhaps then, let's focus on some things that we should be doing to bring the LGBT community together. Things we can do to support one another. Educate one another. I can't promise, however, that I won't get pissed off about something and rail against stupid-heads along the way. But as always, I'll try not to be just plain mean.

Something that's been on my mind a lot lately is HIV/AIDS. Look at these acronyms:

HIV

AIDS

These are serious fucking matters, folks. Human Immunodeficiency Virus. Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Your body no longer protects you from things which those with uncompromised immune systems can fight off much easier. While I can't even begin to understand what it's like for someone to face all of the issues that surround seroconversion and how that subsequently affects many aspects of one's life, I CAN understand what it's like to be constantly plagued by knowing and seeing the devastation that HIV can inflict.

I also understand that sometimes mistakes are made. That some people do everything they can to protect themselves from becoming infected and ultimately will trust someone that doesn't have the same respect for them. But it is those people, the latter, that really piss me the fuck off. Knowing that everyone deals with issues in their lives differently, I still have to beg the questions, "How can one be so indifferent to a disease that claims millions of lives each year, yet is almost 100% preventable in the modern world?" "How can you be so selfish to recklessly endanger other's lives in addition to your own?" "How can you knowingly infect another individual with an untreatable disease, or be so indifferent to allow your own virus (which may be a more or less virulent strain - Russian Roulette anyone?) to enter their body?" The latter question is probably not fair. Many people infected with HIV don't even know it. They're too afraid to get tested. They'd rather live in denial of the fact that this virus exists and can be responsible for totally altering the direction of your life. But then, isn't it a fair question? If you're a sexually active person, you are responsible to, at the very least, yourself. For your health and well-being. And while another person's health isn't your responsibility, why perpetuate a culture of denial and nonchalance? 

There is enough frustration to go around. From the conservative right which fails to allow proper sex education, people who admittedly seek unsafe sex with multiple partners that they may or may not know, people that continue to re-use needles for their drug induced stupors, and society's general lack of immediacy for the issue because now it's "controllable," "manageable," or a "lost cause." It makes me so angry, but it also makes me so sad I can hardly bear it.

Not that there aren't a lot of people out there who continue to educate the ignorant and lobby the powers of the world. There's a lot of research devoted to finding a vaccine and learning all we can about the virus, its life-cycle, its limitations, its mutations. There are countless organizations that provide services on every point along the spectrum from education to providing services and counseling for those with HIV. I commend and deeply respect those that make it their life's work to help those who suffer and prevent others from experiencing the evils of the disease. But where is the urgency? Its loss in the community leads to further inadequate education and attention, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle. It has become a cause that is so firmly embedded in gay culture, especially, that we don't even realize that despite current treatments, it's still the same destructive disease it has always been. 

Current anti-retroviral therapies are a blessing and a curse. When properly used, they are monumental in bringing a certain quality of life back to HIV-positive individuals and in reducing the morbidity and mortality of the virus. But it is because of this perceived "manageability" of the virus that it becomes such a curse. The young and uneducated believe that it's OK to become infected because those with HIV no longer experience severe wasting, the rapid onset of sarcomas, rashes and pneumonia. Are lipodistrophy, dyslipidemia, vomiting, stomach cramps, and cardiovascular issues from the cocktails any better? Is a daily regimen of drugs that make you feel sick easier than practicing safe sex? More importantly, are we destined to become slaves to our own weaknesses and irresponsible impulses? 

This pride month, let's really be proud of something. Let's be proud of being responsible. Let's be proud of coming together as a community to educate one another about what this disease really is. Let's be proud of helping rather than hurting. Wake up. Be responsible. Wrap it up.