Following this week's leak of graphic sexual pictures of Dustin Lance Black (Milk screenwriter, film-maker and gay rights activist and educator), I thought it a good opportunity to discuss (only skimming the surface of) the perception of gays in society.
For those of you who don't know, Black has become the perfect poster child for the younger gay activist movement. A handsome mid-thirties, well spoken man, he works to educate, protest and get the conversation going. Perez Hilton (pariah) broke some pics of Black engaged in bareback sex. The other party in the pictures has since been identified as Black's boyfriend at the time, but they have set off a firestorm within the gay community. On the one hand, you have those who come to his defense and indicate that these photos are a private matter (agreed), and that what Black decides to do in the privacy of his home (or wherever else the pictures were taken) is his business only.
There's a solid rationale in all of that. However, when you make yourself an outspoken advocate for gay rights, for SAFE-SEX, and otherwise put yourself out there for a cause, you then have a certain responsibility to the community you seek to educate and advance. The person in the photos may have been Black's boyfriend at the time, but it hardly seems relevant who the person was. And though, he may not have been engaging in unsafe sex, per se, the perception that has since come into play is somewhat of an incongruous picture. I appreciate that Black has since issued a statement trying to control the damage. While he sees the injustice of what has happened to him, he still takes responsibility for his position becoming compromised. I think.
There are many aspects of "gay culture" that offend not only society in general, but many members of the LGBT community. There are always fringe groups, fetish cultures, and cliques. It has always felt to me like there has been a struggle to determine whether or not we embrace all these things under one umbrella, or cut and run. The "one umbrella" solution seems to be what we, probably rightfully, strive for. As members of the gay community, we have a shared experience of discrimination, shame, hurt feelings and general disregard. The more we can come together to battle these demons, the stronger chance we have of actually fighting with strength, conviction and compassion and coming out with genuine victories for the community.
But how do we get all these drastically different people to work together? You have twinks that are afraid of bears. You have lesbians who may not feel that they're taken seriously enough within the community. You have pretty jock boys who think that being muscle-y and masculine are all there is and disregard everybody else. We can't expect to be taken seriously by straight society if we can't even take each other seriously and treat one another with respect.
To me it all boils down to "live and let live" with a side-dish of "be responsible to and for yourself and your actions." We have to present ourselves as both mainstream and who we really are - simultaneously. While many would argue that gay IS mainstream, I'd come back with, "Being reduced to stereotype and cliche is not mainstream." To be taken seriously by the rest of society, we have to take one another seriously. Play down the differences, stop stereotyping one another and show the world that we can be a united body that's responsible to and for one another and comes together when it really counts.
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