I had an entire post planned around arguing every last detail in regards to the heated debate of the Department of Justice's Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) defense. I read the brief, made notes, agreed with some of it, disagreed with some of it, but let me tell you - it was just too much work for what I think I have to say on the matter. Not that I don't think it's important to have intelligent, informed, detailed discussion on such a hot topic in the LGBT community, but I just don't think I'm ready to delve into all of the minute intricacies. Further, I can't argue the case history because I just don't know it. I'd rather speak from this new place I've found - it's called the heart.
What all my "research" boiled down to is this: While there was language that was used that could be seen as demeaning and downright "Bush-ian" in its social commentary, let's rewind and look at who wrote it. A Bush hold-over in the DOJ. Sure, he has supervisors whose names are listed on the brief, and ultimately, Eric Holder is responsible for what comes out of the Department. And supremely, Obama is responsible for all of that. So I understand some of the outrage given the arguments in the brief. However, very little of the brief contained this "inflammatory" language. In fact, I think many of the arguments presented therein hold a lot of weight. Granted, I didn't read the plaintiff's brief, but it seems that many of the arguments on the plaintiffs' standing seem solid by the logic presented. And I'm not saying I agree with the legislation, or with the ideological basis of the brief itself, but as a reasonable person, I have to have my mind open to what it's saying and what the options are. Let's not view this as a hands down interpretation of the Obama Administration's LGBT policy. These were people who were doing their job as members of the executive branch, upholding the legal basis of a statute. And if you look closely, were virtually giving the gay community a road map (though long and complicated) to repealing DOMA.
Barack Obama is an immensely calculated and intelligent man. There are time-bombs ticking around every corner for him, yet he (for the most part) gracefully navigates them. I, for one, can't even imagine what it would be like for each and every move, word, meeting, and gesture to be so severely scrutinized. He's doing things the way he sees best to do them, which - isn't that WHY we elected him? We chose him to lead us because we believed in what he can do, because of his intelligence (especially after the last administration's lack thereof), because of his strength of character, because of his ability to make change (he changed all of us who voted for him into believers, did he not?) because of his compassionate nature. He launched an entire movement around his charismatic presence. Let's remember these things when we move to attack him.
His transition team indicated back in November that there would be no substantive action on Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT). By extension, one should have understood 'DOMA' here as well. The rationale given was that they wanted time to build consensus on the issue before moving forward. Changing minds and hearts to do that takes time. A lot of time. Many of you out there may want to piss off the radical right. And you may be ok with pissing off the conserva-dems as well. But doing that spells almost certain doom for the entire rest of the Administration's agenda. For health care reform. For economic reform and oversight. For a change in foreign relations. Anything brought forth by the administration after unilateral movement on issues as inflammatory as DADT and DOMA would be sure to fail. While I think equality for LGBT people is immensely important, we can get there without sabotaging the rest of the country as a result.
So while I understand people's frustration, I strongly urge those who are frustrated to take a look at the bigger picture. Things take time. Yes, he promised. Yes, the DOMA brief is problematic, but truly look and listen to what's going on. Be thankful for the incremental steps like benefits for federal employees. Yes - even though health benefits are missing from the package, because it's still a step forward. This is how he's building consensus. By taking small steps he's working to change the hearts and minds of people who are skeptical. Turning our backs on Obama now, showing our teeth (or jungle red claws), and running around as if our hair is on fire is not going to get us what we want. What we need.
I am not advocating tacit complacency. We should continue to work for what we believe is just. But those of us who are not involved at the top levels need to continue grassroots work. Change the hearts and minds of those around you who may not agree with same-sex marriage. We all know that adding a personal connection to the issue is the surest way to change a mind on the fence, or even one firmly in the other camp. Doing that will make repeal of these hateful policies inevitable. Let's help the cause by doing, not hurt it by just criticizing.
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