The shiny object lately has been just being in LA. Which might sound strange to some of you given how hard of an adjustment it was to for me to get situated here. But the nice weather has been really wonderful after the winter we had on the tour this year (Peoria, South Bend, Sioux City, Detroit, Chicago). And it really is its own place in a very strange, personality-less kind of way. I've settled into a neat little routine of going to the gym, having breakfast at the same cafe on my way home, getting ready, going to work, coming home, and sometimes peppering all that with a twirl around the WeHo bars at the end of the day. All of that sameness, though, has made me realize that I need something to balance it all out. Which then got me thinking more about overall balance in my life.
I'll speak for myself here (redundant given that this is MY blog), but I'm pretty sure this is broadly applicable. I have spent so long trying to find the right balance only to end up on the opposite side of where I started. Which then turns into a re-balance going back in the other direction...and so on and so forth. The good thing about all of this is that I've been able to identify that it's what I'm going through. Or so I think. Who ever really knows what's going on with feelings and emotions?
Lately the balance struggle has involved needing more solid connections with people in my life. Don't get me wrong. I have people I love, LOVE dearly and with whom I have solid relationships. And that's one of the most amazing things to me. They truly are my foundation and not a day goes by that I don't almost ache inside because of how much they mean to me. But then I have all these acquaintances that have come and gone - some of them have had amazing effects on my life. Yet they remain acquaintances because of circumstances. I'm on tour, they live somewhere else, things go awry, or we just lose touch. I know that this is just part of how life goes. That there are fleeting moments in our lives. But...what am I even saying here? I think it's really that so much of my life has been without enough of those real connections that I'm trying to make up for lost time. And finding myself disappointed when I feel something that isn't reciprocated on the other end. But that's life too. I'm trying to be ok with knowing that the disappointment is as ok to feel as the connection. And that the disappointment doesn't necessarily mean that I'm wrong or rejected. It's just how it is.
My whole life I've been so picky about those I allow into my life, and now that I've learned more about myself, I realize that may have been detrimental. I've met people in the last year I wouldn't even have given the time of day to had they asked 5 years ago. That, however, was my path. It's how I learned how to experience things. I learned about myself and others in a very guarded way, and I'm sure that did some good for me, right? I'm happy, I'm healthy, I have a home, I have great friends, and a loving family. And I'm more open to new people and experiences than I've ever been before. OK - I talked myself down. Post complete.
